Every mother wants to become the best parent, and most importantly, without shouting and punishment. But it is impossible to be an ideal parent as it is impossible to be an ideal man. That is a weird thing to worry about. We can only try to be better and to learn from our mistakes.
Besides will to be ideal can do harm as to the parent’s mental health and to the children as well.
What is the dangerous of perfectionism
In pursuit ofbeing a perfect in everything and in parenthood particularly people are deprived of the opportunity to express themselvesin accordance with their needs and personal desires.
As a result, both children and parents feel internal stress. And it is only increasing with the recognizing that they are still not ideal and will never be, because as it was said above, it’s impossible. All people make mistakes and sometimes is not able to do things right.
This stress leads to the consequences. A child feels he is denied with his vital needs and personality, which are not what parents want. And then he starts to deny himself too and finally lose himself.
There can be another situation, which is also extreme end of the spectrum. This way in order to be perfect parents limit only themselves. A mother or father who is prone to perfectionism may hide their discomfort. And children, as a rule, grow up rude and aggressive. He thinks that all people must sacrifice their comfort for his well-being.
You mustn’t be ideal, the most important is the honest intention to bring up a good little man and love it with all your heart and soul.That is why, you shouldn’t worry too much. After all, every person has to get through his own experience.
So how to reach balance between making enough effort and don’t worrying at all? To this goal we offer a list of things that should be reconsidered. So to say a check list to make sure you are not perfectionist.
Weird things to worry about
- Doing not enough.
For some parents, especially moms it seems like they do not do enough for their children and worry about it. And they spend all their time taking care of the child in order to mute the feeling of shame.
But what is this measure ‘enough’ means? Doing all the things you must and have to do?
Just accept you can not do all the things. And no one can. There are always be fails and that is ok. Just do what you can, do your better and don’t blame yourself for unsuccess. That is what ‘enough’ should mean.
Also remember that a parent has not the same meaning as a robot. If you need a break then take it, have a cup of tea or just sit for a couple of minutes. After all, you won’t be able to take care of the child in a proper way if you are tired. Besides mental health of your child depends on your mental health.
- Abiding by the rules.
During being pregnant or even before women usually read books about bringing up and taking care. And some of them have too serious attitude to it. It means they learn by heart recommendations and even whole pages from such books by heart. What more is usually accomplished with a lot of granny’s advice about it. Other relatives and friend also do not skimp on it. And then newest mother finds out there is something wrong…Rules doesn’t work!
Another people’s advice never gonna work because you child is unique as every child do. And he needs special attitude. Don’t you notice these rules contradict each other? Throw away the books, YOU are the mother and only you know your child.
- Sport is extra luxury.
A mother with her first child can thought, there is no more time for herself. In particular for doing sport. But it is exactly the thing that shouldn’t be neglected.
Sport not only make your body better, but also improve health. You will feel yourself better for sure! It is also about mental health and avoiding tiredness, that had been scientifically proved. Besides it is a good way to take your mind away for some time.
Nowadays there are a lot of training systems that allow to make effective workouts in short time – 4-15 minutes. So, there is no excuses for delaying it!
- Taking all responsibilities.
There is no dividing into mom’s and dad’s duties. But anyway, for several reasons dads rarely participate in a child’s life.
For example, parents think that all should be done by mom. Or a mom inhibits dad’s initiative or, in the worst case, a father don’t want to do anything.
But parenthood is a team work, when one support the other. Besides a child needs not only mom’s attention, but fathers as well.
- Taking it too seriously in general.
It is not an exam, relax. You and your baby live together in love. And the world won’t disappear because of your mistakes. You learn each other.
As well as you get knowledge how to be a parent, the child learns how to live.
As well as you wouldn’t be able learn it without your own child, the child can get over the life experience only with the help. But let him get that experience.
- You are not alone.
Do you remember being a teenager it seemd like no one can understand you? This situation is alike.
Whether it seems like you and your child are wrong and not ‘average’, it is not. All the other moms have exactly the same problems. And they get throught the same difficulties. Ask your mom or moms that surround you. Nowadays it becomes easier to get support, because we have internet, that allows to chat with other accomplished parents.
- I must not feel that.
Obviously when a mom feels negative emotions about her child, she feels shame and worry about it. Because she knows that she MUST love him. But it’s not exactly like that. You are a person first of all. And have right to be tired and to take offense and be angry. Besides, your child is a person too. And as any healthy person he is able to share and, what is important in the case, to give emotions, although unfortunately they are not always good.
8. Previous one leads to the next – taking negative child words too close to the heart.
Children are very emotional and can say something without realizing all the meaning of it. They don’t understand that aggressive words can be offensive. And sometimes they think you as a mom just can’t take offense. If a child say he doesn’t love you or hate, while being angry or disappointed, don’t panic. Don’t worry about it, more likely he doesn’t even realize the real meaning of these words in a full mature way. So, if a child says an unpleasant thing, you shouldn’t perceive it literally.
9. Unexplained panic. Young parents very often panic when they do not know how to behave properly in a particular situation. Especially when it is about baby’s health. This nervousness is usually the caused by a lack of childcare experience. As a result, even the usual cold or regurgitation of a newborn leads to the fear that there is something terrible has happened to their baby.
10. Ability to love. A first-time mom can worry about whether she will be able to love her child. Firstly, as there was said above, you mustn’t love him every moment of your life. You have a right to feel negative emotions. As for love in general, when you see the tiny feet, the mischievous eyes that look at you and honest smile, when the little nice hand entwines your finger… this moment you’ll fall in love forever. And no matter whether it the first child or the second.