During all the human history people are taught that a mother is a saint man that save and love us. That she is a kind of hero that sacrifice herself in order to bring up the child. We are taught to say good things about mothers. Just remember how many beautiful poems there are about and for mothers.
It has become a kind of unbreakable rule that mothers MUST be loved. So that people feel shame when they don’t have such feeling or even hate mother.
We have already discussed, what if mother don’t give love, but is it actually ok if you don’t have warm feeling toward the mother?
First of all, a man should not be shamed about his feelings or their absence. Everybody has the right to feel what he feels. That is why the answer to the set question is ‘no’. It is not wrong to hate mother. But it is not a good thing of course and one should find out the reason and make a step to forgiveness. As only this way happy life is possible.
Bad relationships are always responsibility of both men involved in it. The compromise should be got. You can’t change your mother’s mind, but you can forgive her from your side, that makes the problem twice fewer.
How the child begins hate his mother
In most cases hate to mother is a result of love lack. You waited for love but don’t get it.
If a child lives in constant tension feeling the necessity to defend from mother, she turns into the enemy. All the problems in such relationship solves by the law of the strongest — with physical punishment or permanent screaming.
There can be a lot of problems in directly communication as well. A child can make offence of mother’s coldness and this also makes some psychological problems. It is about the situation, when a mother meets only child’s primary needs. Prefers to think that child is living well as he is fed and healthy. If a child tries to talk about a conflict situation at school or with friends, the mother devalues his feelings and experiences: ” Teacher is right”, “Deal with the offender himself”, “You exaggerate”. In other communication patterns things go the same way. A child tries to speak about his interests or to share emotions and the mother reacts indifferently with no engagement.
We learn the model of relationships with the world in communication with parents. Mother teaches to understand and express feelings. If in the family all attempts to express ourselves and our desires were suppressed, then we go into adulthood with the inability to openly talk about what we care about and a lump of resentment at our mothers. Realizing such influence there appears the new resentment and blaming mother in our bad life.
But now we, as grownup and conscious people, can take this responsibility about life quality,change it and stop to hate mother.
How to stop hating the mother
First of all, one should realize that mother is also a grown-up child that has offences. She can make mistakes and reflect as well. We only can be better than our mothers an ourselves in the past. So to forgive the parent and to stop to hate mother.
Say everything you feel. Not in order to gain understanding, but to comprehend painful experiences and gradually get rid of them.
You can do this in conversation with a psychologist, a close friend, an understanding relative, or even alone. It is necessary to throw out the accumulated aggression verbally, and then describe on paper. After that, we may feel guilty, especially if we said bitter words to the parent directly.
Remind yourself that you and your mother are different people, and it’s important to allow yourself and her to have various feelings. Including resentment and bitterness, if it is the consequences of their upbringing. You can’t make yourself feel love and gratitude for any of the people, and your mother is not an exception.
Working with offenсes is important. Without doing this hard but necessary inner work, we risk transferring negative feelings to people we love with whom we play the script of childhood.