Can you believe?! What mothers can say they hate being a parent? If they say that hate being a parent, others will think bad of her and say terrible things! And of course she will be considered emotionally immature, selfish, and completely irresponsible. After all, if she hate being a parent and is not able to cope with a child, she shouldn’t got pregnant.
Is it such a simple thing? It is easy for people to judge and condemn, throw a lot of negative to women and girls who have decided to open their souls and say they regret of having a child; for those who say what they really feel while hate being a mom and ask for help. Especially in the Internet, where we are not connected with them or with the situation.
When the anonymous post with a mother’s confession about feeling unhappy being a mother appeared in one of the moms groups on Facebook, there was not a single commentator whose words were in favor of the unhappy mom. Negative comments, convictions and accusations fired out. The author was so humiliated and “crushed” that the administrator eventually had to turn off the comments under the post.
Later she gave a small interview within the Internet. And we suggest to read its translation. Perhaps this will allow someone to take his feelings and to cope with the same flow of negativity and accusations, to overcome the situation. For someone it will show the situation of moms, who hate being a parent, from a different angle and allow you to better understand them.
The interview of mother who hate being a parent
You caused a real storm … You wrote that you are unhappy because you have a child
All right. My daughter is 4 years old and she is the most wonderful person in the world but the last time I was happy when I was pregnant. My life hadn’t changed then. I had (and I have) a great job, a great man near me, cool friends. That time I had my own interests. I felt free, I felt like a woman.
Okay, but we don’t live in a vacuum. You probably have friends with children and you had knew how things changes after giving a birth
Well certainly. I’m not brainless. I had knew that poop stank, the kids cry at night and get hysterical even over little things like when they were given the wrong colored cup. I wasn’t afraid of it, so my husband and I decided to have a baby. We wanted to expand the family, to give life to a tiny man, to grow him into a great adult. You know, idealized dreams that everything will be fine.
But it hasn’t come so, why?
Because I have lost myself. Just… I can’t explain it any other way. It’s like you suddenly lost your wings, like someone put you in a room without no windows there. I was crazy. And it’s not because I was tired because my husband stopped supporting me. No, we had a great babysitter and I wasn’t alone. However, the idea I must respond the baby’s needs before my own is cast down making me forget about myself and hate being a parent.
Maybe you’re depressed? What you’re saying may indicate that. Would you like to consult with someone?
4-year depression? I don’t think so. Time after the childbirth has passed very quickly. I was filled with love for the child. I loved looking at her, hugging her. And only six months later I began to get nervous. I can’t describe it right. It was such pressure in my stomach, the desire to do something, but it is not clear what exactly.
And then you realized you regret having a child?
Actually, I don’t regret my baby was born. More like I regret I can’t do what I want. I feel like I can’t be myself and get a higher aim. I’ll give you an example. I have a difficult job, and sometimes when I was doing an important project, I could stay and work at night. Yes, I can dedicate all myself to the work, but these were one-time events. And I knew that I would see the results soon.
I can hear what you’re saying, but I can’t quite understand. What would you do if you didn’t have a baby?
The same thing I did before. I would have done what I wanted. That’s what I like. I’d just read a book all night till sunrise. I would do what I want, as much as I want. It’s hard to explain because it sounds stupid. I could also sleep in on Sunday until noon. Now I can’t. I would be free.
Don’t get me wrong, I still meet with friends in a cafe, go with husband to the cinema. We have a babysitter in this case. In someone even this can arise envy – to be a working mother and still have time to lead a social life. But I feel what I feel. And I feel constrained. That is why I hate being a parent.
What do you dislike most about everyday life now?
I know I’ll get myself killed for what I say, but I really don’t like playing with my kid. Blanket-made tents, hundreds of LEGO parts on the floor, sand making, running on the grass, endless children’s questions like “why the sky is blue” – it was funny in the beginning. Now, this is annoying and in such moments I really hate being a mom and just want to hug my husband while watching a TV-show or read a book.
Do you feel guilty for your feelings, that you hate being a mom?
I don’t feel guilty about hate being a parent. My daughter has never experienced anything that could affect her emotional security. I always find time to spend with her, hug her, tell I love her. My husband doesn’t know how I feel. He’d probably be in shock. I didn’t tell anyone about it. This post about hate being a parent was made in a moment of weakness. Look how that has turned out.
I’m not mad at the baby. It was my decision and, well, we have to be responsible for our decisions. I had a baby, and I’m responsible for the consequences.
Last summer my daughter first time visited my grandmother for two weeks. Believe me, it was the first happy two weeks in four years. Of course I missed my daughter, but the idea that I could do what I wanted was just fine.
If you could get back in the past, would you have a baby?
It’s complicated. I don’t want to push my luck. If something happens to my daughter, I’ll feel guilty the rest of life. No matter I hate being a parent, I love her so much I couldn’t leave her and pretend she has never existed. There would be a terrible emptiness inside. But if I could go back in time and change my mind, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have a baby. I’d probably have a few cats.
I just think it might be worth talking to your husband about your feelings. Don’t you think so?
You’re probably right. But I know my husband. He’d be terribly disappointed about my hate being a parent. It’s kind of cheating to pretend to be happy for four years. He might think I’m a bad mother. Maybe he’ll look at me hmmm … with contempt? I don’t know exactly how he’s gonna react, but talking is definitely not an option. How do you imagine that? That we’ll sit at the table and I’ll tell him – you know, we have to talk – I ‘hate being a parent. It probably would have been different if I had confessed it 3 years ago.
I suggested it because you’re alone with your feelings. And what more haven’t found the support from other mothers
I promise that if I feel another wave of hate being a parent because it makes my life not what I want it to be, I will go to a psychologist for help. You know, after that Facebook discussion, I cried like hell. Even though I hate crying. This is the first time I’ve shed so many tears. I loudly declared I hate being a parent, wrote that post. I admitted to myself that I wasn’t happy. I still don’t know what to do with it. Maybe there are many more such mothers who hate being a parent. Maybe it will help someone.