First time mom often cannot stop worrying about their child for a minute. Even when she sends him for a walk with his father, to relax alone, anxiety does not leave her and there is no rest. What if he puts the shoes on the child wrong way? Does not look, and the baby is injured? How to stop worrying and warn husband about everything? I’ll tell you what – nothing, just let dad be dad.
I often see posts on Facebook that mothers are not happy with how their husbands raise children. Tell me what to do? I try my best, completely changed my behavior and behavior with the child, build relationship with him, and my husband does not want to understand my methods of bringing up and continues to do it in his own way. Won’t we spoil the baby? How do you convince your husband to be dad I want him to be? Is there such a way at all?
I wonder how guilty we are that men can’t or don’t want to be dads or take care of children the way we, women, do. How often, trying not to cut the children’s wings when bringing up, we cut the husbands ones. We rush into room like a storm, and resent that the room is a mess, and the child’s panties are worn inside out.
Who is the problem? May be mother? What’s wrong with us that we can’t let dad be dad and let him take care of the baby exactly the way he wants and considers good? Do you really think the baby will be that bad?
Point the direction of bringing up
It might calm you down a bit. You and your husband agree on three or four basic principles that you adhere to, which you will demand from yourself and from him. It is not necessary to set too many rules, a list of fifteen items – it’s too much.
We either write down these basic principles (you can even make them in the family code and reunite the family in the creative process :)), or discuss together with husband and children. These are the principles that should be followed by everyone in the family.
Don’t hinder dad
I see how some mothers influence their husbands to raise their children. Their pressing – do so, do not do so, or it’ll hurt the child – does not lead to anything good. He just begins to retreat under such an authoritarian regime in the family. But to be dad means to be a parent, and carries the same as mother responsibility, and has the same rights.
When dad goes for a walk with the children, he dresses them as he wants, he evaluates the weather on the street, he chooses where to go, he knows what to play with the children and what to allow them and what not. Don’t overestimate yourself, thinking you know better. After all, everyone has their own truth. And that’s another question, mom is too “puffing” of the children, or the husband is too careless about.
My husband buys sweets for children, and I really don’t like it. Sometimes I know about it from the children, sometimes my husband tells me himself. But I close my eyes and count one, two, three. “We have to let dad be dad.” You are one family, you have chosen this man as a father for your children, so listen to him!
Dads are different
Unfortunately, there are those who do not want to be dad and participate in parenthood. And the conflict of your “proper bringing up” is that by your standards, he SHOULD take the initiative in the children issue.
There is a simple rule for a happy life – never force anybody. He doesn’t want to? Then ok. Save your nerves. You can always ask your husband for help instead of trying to get him to take the initiative.
In fact, your proximity to the child may be enough, if you become a really close person for the child, his support. When you teach the child how to act in certain situations, help to deal with his problems, he will look for support in you and will repay you with gratitude.
Believe in dad
Dear, concerned moms who are worried that your husband is making mistakes when bringing up child not according to your methods, let dad be dad. Let him learn from his mistakes. Let him develop his own way of building the relationships (of course, if it is not based on physical violence), develop contact with the child.
Of course, this may take time, and the result may not be as good as yours. You can even hear from him reproach that you spoil the child. Sit down and talk about it, explain your assumptions and thoughts to him, use books, blogs. But don’t try to make him change his mind. In the end, truth is born in argument. Let him stick to his point of view.
My observations show that sooner or later, if you are consistent, and your partner is smart enough to see the positive result of your educational work, he will unwittingly imitate you. Without coercion, shouts, quarrels and complaints. Because a man is a man, not a puppet. So, let dad be dad!