How many mothers look at their teenage child’s phone? How many of them read messages from the friends or girlfriends? Fortunately or, unfortunately, not all mothers do it. But surely all the moms thought about internet parental control.
What scares us so much about raising our children that we infringe children’s privacy right? Maybe we’re losing control of the situation. After all, with age, children have new friends, about whom we know little or nothing. In addition, children, especially in teen age begin to shock with their actions and sudden decisions that take us by surprise. We’d like to know about them before it’s too late. We want to know as much as possible about our teenagers to save them from threats, prevent trouble and be sure that nothing bad happens and the child is in safe. Aren’t we worrying too much? Check if you belong to the helicopter moms here.
It is normal thing to worry about the child. But you need to know the line and allow the child to experience his own life experience. Going beyond the limits of the children’s privacy right, their personal life with internet parental control can only pull them away and spoil the relationships.
Maybe we should just talk to the kid. Maybe the best way to prevent trouble and protect the child is to talk to him and ask him about the things we bother worry so much? Yes, and this is true in any relationships. But with children it is not so simple and depends on the age of the child and your relationship with him.
If you have not become a close person for the child in a psychological point, have not built trust and friendship with him, it is unlikely that he will want to share his experiences with you.
In addition, at teen age relationships between children and the parents become more difficult. While a 7-year-old will happily tell you the details of what he did during the day, a 13-year-old will stop talking about his “personal affairs.”
At such moments there is an idea of internet parental control and going thorough the children’s privacy right limit appear. “If only I could just reach the phone, check the computer of my “no longer a baby” and view the content he is interested in…” the Children’s reaction on internet parental control is easy to predict. And their negative is quite justified. What do experts think about this?
Mobile phones – messages and chats
According to psychologists, internet parental control is not necessary unless something very disturbing happens (for example, a child suddenly quits school or there is a suspicion that he is taking drugs). Spying on “innocent” children has serious consequences. This can disrupt the proper emotional development. Teenagers should feel that we, parents, believe in their ability to make the right decisions. This parents’ belief helps children to take risks in appropriate age cases. Like asking someone out on a date.
Children should have their “separate life”, which we, parents, do not know. If we do not give them their children’s right of privacy or independence, they will be more risky, and our actions will be counterproductive. Instead of protecting them, we put them in danger. Meanwhile, many parents set the internet parental control and monitor the contents of their children’s phones, perceiving it as just being aware of what is happening. There is not even for the benefit of security. Sometimes mothers even say directly their children that monitor their personal mail. Remember – if you for some reason decided to read the messages on your child’s phone, focus only on what seems potentially dangerous.
E-mail / Social networks / Websites
Of course, we have the right to limit the child and set internet parental control to SOME extent for good bringing up:
- – set a time limit for “sitting on the Internet»;
- – block “inappropriate” pages for the child;
- – set filters to block dangerous spam.
And that would be enough. But viewing your profile on Facebook or incoming e-mail creates a very easy to feel atmosphere of distrust. If children know we do not treat them with respect, they will not come to us if they are “in trouble.”
As for monitoring the child’s actions in social networks and on sites when he puts any content in the public access – many experts believe that this is justified. It is worth paying attention to the teenager that such content can easily turn against him, and can also be used incorrectly.
Parents are different. And they perceive the sane limits of internet parental control differently. Some regularly monitor the content viewed on a computer. Others react only when they discover “something” by accident. Experts advise asking your child from time to time to show us, parents, which websites they have visited and often talk about “online security”.
Parents, if the thought to look into the diary of your child flashed in mind – do not give in to this temptation! This is a really bad idea. In addition, if your child finds out that you have read his notes, he will doubt you. And think: will the ignorant reading of a teenager’s emotional experiences really calm you down?
Of course, there are exceptional situations. If you have any problems, suspecting that your child uses dangerous drugs or has eating disorders, you can deviate the rule of keeping the boundaries of the child’s personal life.
Today, we have many opportunities to get information about the location of the child and his experiences, thoughts, interests. But are we doing the right thing in seeking full control of our children? Isn’t it better to just teach them how to make the right decisions? Isn’t it better to establish trust with them and talk?