How to calm child and why saying “stop crying” is bad idea


All children cry for one reason or another, and this is ok. We cannot always prevent children’s tears. So, as they say – understand, accept and love. But should and can we do anything to calm child and stop cryings?

But if newborn baby cries more because of physiological reasons, when he wants to eat, sleep, teeth cut, or there are some other natural processes of the body development, then at an older age tears are caused mainly by emotions. And if you can calm child of baby age by taking on hands and singing a song, then at an older age you will need something else.

When the needs are met, it is much more difficult to calm child, his crying or hysterics. You must find the right words when the child is angry or offended, so as not to aggravate the situation, or not to make a fatal mistake for his mind state.

A child can cry when he is sad. That’s normal. In no case should you deny his emotions. On the contrary, help him to name them, to speak out. He has the right to feel what he feels.  But how to support the child, avoiding the banal “stop crying”?

Why parents mustn’t say “stop crying!”

things to say to calm child

Senselessly…

At least it doesn’t make sense when you want to calm child. Surprisingly, I still hear moms say that phrase. As if a crying person, no matter a child or an adult, hearing this proposal, immediately wipe the tears and smile. Seriously, do you know anyone who stopped crying when they heard those words? I honestly start crying with even more force after hear it.

Baby can cry. Everyone has the right to cry. Crying cannot be forbidden, it cannot be stopped artificially. This is absolutely normal, and when I hear, ” Well, don’t cry, don’t cry,” I want to scream, “How can I not do this if I want to cry?!”.

Even worse, when parents in an attempt to calm child tell him not to cry, and child not wanting to upset parents, or to avoid the screaming, begins to pretend he’s alright. Although it literally can be seen he is barely holding the tears, and the emotions choke them. Sad sight.

… and mercilessly

Do you know what happens to a child when he hears the words “stop crying,” “stop smearing snot” “crying won’t help you anyway,” when we don’t accept the child’s despair and emotions? We make him understand that his emotions are not important, that his emotions are bad, unnecessary, that showing emotions is inappropriate for people. Such a child is looking for other ways to get rid of his sadness and anger – through aggression, fights, violence, shouting, stubbornness.

At first you can admire such “success” in the child upbringing -“Oh, what a good kid, not crying.” But the tension that grows in the small man, when he restrains emotions, later will inevitably affect his behavior. And you will be saying, ” How could he do that, he was such a calm child!”.

Suppression of sadness, despair and anger does not lead to anything good. It breeds frustration, which, accumulating in abundance, makes him an unbearable person – for himself and for others.

Then how to calm child wen he cries

The Internet gives examples of what can be said to calm child instead of “stop crying”. Here are 12 options that correspond to the most common causes of crying.

  1. I’m with you.
  2. I see / hear what’s happened. It’s sad.
  3. Tell me what happened.
  4. Show me where it hurts.
  5. Wow! It must be very painful.
  6. It must be terrible. No wonder you’re so scared.
  7. Let me kiss, where it hurts.
  8. I know, I see it upsets you.
  9. Cry, cry. Let all the sadness out.
  10. I understand.
  11. You’re scared, but it’ll pass, in a moment it’ll pass. I’ll be with you to make it easier.
  12. You want a hug?

things to say to calm child

In 8 out of 10 cases it’s enough to admit the despair and emotions, kiss where they are hurt, to offer their parental support to calm child that cries.

Some children, when they cry, need to hug, be pat on the back, while others are better left alone. Yeah, some kids really want to be alone when they cry. But in any case, it is important to let the child knew his emotions are not indifferent to you, and he can rely on your help.

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