This question is often asked not only by young children who have brothers and sisters, but also parents themselves. In different years, this issue has been studied by many researchers. And they confirm the fears of millions of people – parents do have favorite children. It doesn’t matter whether the order of birth, sex, or similar interests influenced love.
Many parents are afraid to admit it, stubbornly repeating “I love all my children equally!” Don’t deceive and torment yourself. Even if your preference for one of the children isn’t very obvious, the children still notice it.
The consequence of such a phenomenon as the preference of some of the children to others, are regular family conflicts, depression, understatement, disorder of the child’s behavior. But it’s not because you love someone more. Most likely, some part of you synergizes with the personality of one of your children more than with the personalities of others. You just prefer something that is close to you in spirit or resembles a close, pleasant person in communication. Then why is it so hard for us to accept this fact?
How to accept that I love one of the children more than others?
Some parents confuse their sympathy for the personal qualities of one child with love for all their children. Others worry that they can harm the psyche of a child who understands that he is showed less sympathy. Some people think that if they openly admit that they have a favorite among children, it will lead to discrimination for others. Despite this, try to admit the possibility that you have the right to feel more attached to a particular child. If you understand the motives by which you have your favorites among children, it will be much easier to defuse the tense situation in the family and restore or improve relations with your offspring.
Stop blaming yourself or denying the fact of having a favorite among the children, it’s more important for you to understand how you feel about each of them. Think about it: how does your attitude to children affect the methods of education and communication with the family? Exploring your feelings you will dive deeper into the understanding of yourself, the principles and personal characteristics through which you build your communication with people.
Look at what you feel and think about yourself. With increased awareness in understanding yourself, you will be able to form reasonable thoughts. Let’s look at a few aspects that come into contact with the theme of having a favorite child.
What are the reasons for choosing a favorite child from parents:
Your relationship with your children is based on past family relationships
Your manner of communication with children is very different and it isn’t casual. This is partly due to your experience with your own parents in the distant past. Your son or daughter may resemble the appearance, character or manner of speech of a beloved grandfather or grandmother. Such similarities can cause you a strong sympathy for a particular child. Another child is able to manifest itself already as your parent, with whom you could be in constant confrontation. Because of this case, many of his actions and actions will cause you unconscious irritation and even aggression.
Compare your childhood memories with the approach to communicating with your own children. Think about the extent to which your feelings for your child are unique, and how they are related to extraneous factors and influence. If you understand that your relationship needs to be adjusted, then find new ways to communicate with children.
Children are a mirror of your personality
Our children can often see character traits that we have ourselves. Traits that we like, we will perceive positively in children. And at the moment when the child shows in his character our worst features, we begin to get angry and feel discomfort. Because of this, we try to avoid children when they show our worst side, or react aggressively to their behavior.
Parents’ feelings for children are dynamic
Relationships with people are constantly in a dynamic state. This can be said about communication with children. Throughout the growing up of your child, you will notice how their views and behavior change due to new experiences, experiences and overcoming difficulties. It is absolutely normal to be in a great relationship with your older child, and after a couple of years to find a common language with the younger son or daughter. If you notice such changes in your communication, try to establish a connection between the change of interests and behavior of your children. Thanks to the analysis, you will be able to find the reasons for your interest and then build a quality communication.
Don’t be afraid to admit that you have a favorite child
Understand that communication between you and your child is just a normal relationship in which there are always good moments and periods of stagnation. You should not be afraid of this, and see the possibilities of development. You can master the skills to solve conflicts and learn to see the possible outcomes of different life situations. You should remember that you can love children in different ways, but you should give them full attention, warmth and care.
Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you have a favorite child. You can analyze your sympathy for a particular family member and be able to project it for everyone else.