Young parents do not always know how to properly raise a child. Sometimes they cannot understand what they are doing wrong. Today we consider 10 mistakes of parents.
Being a parent is a very specific and responsible function. Each parent actually forms the child’s identity. Initially, this occurs at the stage of social adaptation, which takes place from birth to 2–3 years. During this period, the only educational environment of the child is his family. This has a huge impact on the subsequent behavior of the baby.
In the next stages of socialization, peers increasingly influence the behavior and the formation of the child’s personality. This, however, does not mean that parents cease to participate in the process of socialization. Over the entire period of growing up, the family plays a significant role in the process of socialization. That is why it is so important that moms and dads are aware of their participation in the process of shaping the child’s personality and not making the typical mistakes of the parents.
Some common mistakes of parents
Too much freedom
Parents leave the child too much freedom, then there is no one to bring up the baby. Adults do not understand that their son or daughter is growing up and do not know from whom to take an example. The child models the behavior of the parents, and if there are no parents, he repeats the behavior taken from real or virtual reality. This can lead to improper development of the mental health of your children.
Controlling a child’s behavior is a very important educational element. This must be done deliberately, firmly and at the same time gently. The child must feel that the parent is the closest person to him and he is interested in his life. However, this interest should not have pathological features, that is, it should not turn into a permanent intervention in the personal life of a child who, like an adult, should have his own affairs and secrets.
Inconsistent family management style
Depending on the family management style, all its members adhere to certain behavior. The specificity of this behavior is extremely important. This shapes the subsequent actions and behavior of the children.
Inconsistent family management style seems to be the most common mistake in education. According to the stereotype, the father who holds the power sets the rules and regulations. Mother, the embodiment of kindness and gentleness, allows the child to partially overcome these principles. (Of course, the situation may be the opposite.) Parents do not understand how dangerous such a diverse parenting style can be. This undermines not only the authority of the strict parent, but also the authority of the gentle parent. The parent becomes part of the game the child plays. The child learns that the rules and regulations cease to have any meaning. Each law, order or prohibition may be bent freely, depending on needs.
Toxic parents are a real nuisance to a child, not only in adolescence, but also in adulthood. This is one of the worst mistakes of parents. Such a parent uses and knows only one form of control – criticism. The etiology of such behavior should be sought in the childhood of the parent and in his contacts with the parents. The child can in no way contribute to the toxicity of the parent. Constant criticism of the child leads to an erroneous perception of himself, to low self-esteem.
Children who are not inspired by their parents cannot normally look for ways to solve their problems and feel helpless in adulthood, they have problems with making independent decisions. They do not like to risk, they become timid. Decision making is possible only after prior consultation with the parent. A child who still hears unfounded criticism, after a while begins to doubt his strength and talents, becomes passive, distrustful and secluded.
Contact with parents
Honest conversations with a child should not be an obligation or responsibility of parents, but a pleasant form of spending free time. A parent cannot be ashamed to touch on certain topics. This should allow the child to freely express their thoughts. The conversation should not be a monologue or lecture. Both the parent and the child must be full participants in the discussion.
Communication between family members has a psycho-prophylactic function. The period of growing up is not only difficult from the point of view of the physical (rapid growth of the skeletal system), but also emotionally. The flow of questions related to the acceptance or lack of it by peers, with first love, leads to an intense experience of various emotions, which are often accompanied by lability.
A person entering adult life cannot cope with all problems. He cannot rationally analyze the problem that bothers him. It is under environmental pressure.
Unsuccessful parental ambitions
There is nothing worse than the ambitions of unfulfilled parents in terms of education, getting a dream job or achieving professional success, which are passed onto children. This is one of the worst mistakes of parents. A child burdened with compulsion to satisfy his parents stops thinking about satisfying his needs. The priority for him is to make his parents happy. The consequence of this behavior is usually not only the loss of childhood, but also the loss of personality. The child does not develop his talents, he focuses primarily on the needs of the parent.
Award and Punishment
Rewarding and punishment are very important elements in the learning process. They show the differences between what to do and what is forbidden. Skillful use of rewarding and punishment ensures the effectiveness of this technique. One of the mistakes of parents is that punishment is much more than reward. Forgetting that it is better, more effective and more pleasant to encourage good behavior than to punish bad.
Excessive protection and demands
To effectively train, it is important to maintain balance. Two factors, protection and demanding, are sometimes very dangerous and are among the mistakes of parents. This is due to the danger to the normal mental development of the child.
Permanent protection is the subordination of the parent to the child. This concerns not only protection from problems, but also an uncritical approach to the child. This is excessive indulgence or underestimation of the child’s abilities. This type of upbringing leads to the fact that the child becomes socially isolated, has difficulty with new acquaintances. For example, the constant monitoring of the child on the Internet.
Addiction is a very serious problem not only for the dependent person, but also for his environment. The most common form of addiction is alcohol addiction. An alcoholic relieves emotional stress not only from drinking alcohol, but also with the help of an angry and uncontrolled discharge of tension. Such an atmosphere cannot well affect the emotional development of a child who is deprived of any kind of stability. A child growing up in a family affected by an alcohol problem is subject not only to numerous psychological disorders, but also to physical neglect. For the proper development of the child, not only a friendly homely atmosphere is needed. Providing the child with proper nutrition and treatment in case of illness is as important as love and respect. Do not make such mistakes of parents.
Domestic violence is a very dangerous phenomenon. It doesn’t matter who is a victim of violence and who is guilty. This always leads to big problems. Parents who raise their children in an atmosphere of fear and anger, directly contribute to changing their behavior towards a more aggressive attitude towards their peers. For example, a child may have problems with mastering basic knowledge at school due to fear of what is happening at home. The most important task in adolescence is the development of a sense of individuality and identity. The peer group plays a very important role during this period. However, a teenager who was a victim or witness of domestic violence will repeat the patterns of aggression carried away from home. Violence arising in the process of education leads to problems with the psyche of young people, difficulties in building relationships or influencing among peers, at school and in a professional environment.